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Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Motility Specialist Appt Tomorrow

Well, I had a bit of a mix up today. One pain management doctor referred me to another. Now, I don't know who to call for refills. Finally, after phone calls to both offices, and after my new doctor telling me that he doesn't call in pain medicine, I finally got both of my prescriptions refilled.

Also, my insurance doesn't cover Lyrica, which is for nerve damage/pain. They will cover Neurontin, so my doctor called that in instead. I start it tonight and I hope that it helps. Maybe it will calm down my stomach enough to keep me from vomiting, pending that it stays down.

I see the Motility specialist in the morning. I'm a bit nervous and I'm not sure what to expect. I know that I need to ask her about the implant the pain management doctor recommends and how that would work with a pacemaker in my stomach if they decide to go that route. Maybe they'll do a gastric bypass ... I'm not sure. The GP is so severe that any relief would be possible.

The drug cocktail I'm on now, that I can keep down anyway, is making me incredibly sleepy. I've slept for the past two days. I'm not entirely sure if that's from shear exhaustion or the drugs.

I need to think up a list of questions for the motility specialist. I think she's going to give me a diet to follow - but I've already cut out all of the gluten. I've been almost on a liquid diet. But everything I eat, like clockwork two hours later comes right back up. Soup, drinks, etc, it doesn't matter. It ALL comes back up.

To be sure that it wasn't food spoiling in my stomach, I went two days without eating (well, I forgot to eat to be honest), so there was NOTHING in my stomach. I ate half of a can of tomato soup followed by some V8 kiwi strawberry juice. I did this around 11:30pm and two hours later, it all came back up.

I'm just tired of not being able to eat. I want to be normal again. I'd like to go and see the new Batman movie, but I can't. The smell of popcorn alone would make me ill. I want to hike and drive without throwing up. I just feel lost and hopeless sometimes. I hope this doctor can help me. I would be game for almost anything to be able to be normal. I want to finish school - I only have a year left to become a Geologist. I'm scared that I won't be able to take classes this fall unless it's an online class. Also, if I have the surgery, I don't want to start out the semester like that. I would like one semester where I can attend classes without ANY absences and coherent so that I can actually learn what I need to know. I'm just so scared.

I'm just so uncertain of what the future holds and that scares me. I really want to graduate. I've worked so hard to graduate. It's so hard to explain to my professors how sick I am. You can tell people you're sick, but they won't understand until they see it for themselves. I had friends come over to hang out with me and they didn't realize how bad it was until I went to the bathroom about 6 to 8 times while they were at my house.

I wonder if anyone else with GP has this issue. I just don't want a feeding tube. I'm scared of that option. I don't think it will come to that, but I have been losing a lot of weight. I've dropped a pants size and a bra size. This isn't the way I wanted to lose the weight. I gained a lot of weight after the knee problems. But, I didn't want to starve myself. I want to eat my favorite foods again. I know all of this sounds completely selfish because I know there are people who have this worse than me.

My mother told me today that my grandfather had something similar. He would vomit after eating too. I'm not sure if he had gastroparesis or not, and I can't ask him now, which makes me sad because I miss him so much. I am not even sure if it's hereditary.

I guess I'll have more to report tomorrow after I talk to the specialist. Please wish me luck!