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Sunday, January 20, 2013

Debilitating Stomach Spasms & Miserable - Day 5 of Detox

I am trying to eat and even liquids like Miso soup or an ice cream milkshake cause debilitating stomach spasms that immediately start 20 to 30 minutes after I eat/drink it. The left part of my throat under my mouth is swollen and is painful. I think that could be from vomiting up bile, but I'm not sure. The headaches are still rather painful. I've been trying to drink apple juice and water in case it's a dehydration headache.

The spasms hurt so much. I almost cried several times today. I had to hold on to the counter and try to breathe through them. It felt like I had a charlie horse in my stomach. It just hurt so much and so intensely that I ended up vomiting up everything I had eaten for lunch.

I really wish I could take my medicine. I'm using Quease Ease and Preggie Pops, hoping they'll help. I managed to vomit myself into exhaustion today because I made the mistake of eating last night.

I'm sipping on Gatorade and trying to rehydrate myself to get rid of this severe headache that I've had for several days. It doesn't seem to be budging. I'm watching Doctor Who and trying to distract myself. I had friends over last night that distracted me from feeling awful, and that did help! I've missed hanging out with people.

I got to leave the house for a little while to help my husband shop for a Microwave, carrying bags and emergency vomiting supplies in my purse. I was fine for a bit but eventually, I had to go home because the illness hit with a vengeance.

People constantly tell me that I don't look sick, that I look really good. I don't feel very good. I'm going to share something with you that one of my friends on the Green's Not Easy Page. It's called THE SPOON THEORY. You should click on the link and read it. It applies to everyone with a chronic illness.

I'm just incredibly tired and I'm really tired of being ill. I'm scared to go back to Mayo Clinic the first week of February for testing. I'm terrified that either they're going to find something truly horrible making my GP worse, or nothing at all. I'm scared that I'm never truly going to stop vomiting long enough to finish my Geology degree. I'm scared I won't be able to work while my husband goes back to school. I want to repay my husband for all of the kindness and patience he's shown me but I'm just scared I'm not going to get better at all. I'm just miserable and I miss my friends. I miss being able to eat even simple things, like soup. I miss not being in pain.

I know all of this sounds incredibly selfish. That makes me feel guilty. I know there are so many people out there worse off than I am, and I constantly think of those people and hope they find some relief. I hope for all of our sakes, that someone will research GP and come up with a cure.

1 comment:

Scarlett said...

I'm praying for you Emily. I'm so sorry the detox is going so horribly. You don't sound selfish, just sick. Thanks for the link to The Spoon Theory. I know a lot of people in my life needing to read, myself included. I hope you're able to get some rest and a little relief tonight if only for some time. Sending hugs to you!!