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Friday, September 7, 2012

Feeling a Bit Down but I Have Hope

I am feeling a lot better since the surgery. I'm still in a little bit of pain because I haven't healed all of the way. I feel it every time I eat, which is conditioning me not to eat. I'm trying. The vomiting is still occurring but I'm used to it at this point. I'm able to leave my house more even though I still have to carry a bucket. But, that's OK. At least I'm more mobile now that I used to be.

I'm mostly upset because people have been saying that I'm too sick to think for myself - which isn't true. I may have a chronic illness, but I've got full control of my mental faculties. It hurt my feelings but I'm going to move on from it. People are entitled to their opinions, and I can't change it.

I am still waiting to hear back from the knee doctor about my implant and back surgery. I'm waiting for my insurance to get back to the doctor about the trial. I hope to hear something from them soon because I really miss hiking. I'm hoping that the trial cuts the vomiting in half, since that's my pain response also, so that I can get on with my life. As a Geologist, I'm going to be required to hike. Plus, it's something I love.

I thought about trying to attempt to do Yoga on the Wii Fit because I miss Yoga, too. But, I may need a chair for balance. I can't decide if it's a bad idea or not. I can't squish my stomach or I'll regret it later. I may not have any structural damage to my knee but the nerves are still misfiring. I really need to see a neurologist. I need to figure out the cause of all of these nerve issues. Gastroparesis is caused by damage to the vagas nerve and my knee has nerve problems as well. It's just too much of a coincidence to ignore.

Other than that, I'm feeling much better than I have in months. I'm getting used to this illness. I've lost a bunch of weight, so some of my clothes no longer fit. I need to go shopping for new clothes. It's not the way I wanted to lose weight but I've lost about 25 pounds so far.

All in all, I am feeling optimistic. I have hope now. I didn't before. I think I will be able to live with this and be fine. I need moral support, certainly, and not people tearing me down. I know it gets frustrating to listen to someone complain about being sick all of the time, but please be patient with me. I'm trying my best.

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